u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
