She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
