Whod you bang
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
