This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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