remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
