it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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