Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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