I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
