DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
