I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
