ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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