we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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