So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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