First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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