Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
