Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
