So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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