Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
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