He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
