If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
