she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
