he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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