so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
