I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
