Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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