Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
