Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
