i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
