who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
