I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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