dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
