We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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