spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
