Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
