it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
