he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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