I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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