dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
