...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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