Pants 0. Shit 1.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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