He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
