Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
