Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
50% drunk capacity currently
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
