I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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