I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
