ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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