oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
