I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
