you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
