Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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