dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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