i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
