I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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