hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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