Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
