he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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