Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
