Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
