I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize