Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
