So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
