I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
