I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
