Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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