I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
