Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
