you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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