Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
