Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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