I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
