I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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