i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
