Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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