I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
