I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
