you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
