barbara walters just said penis...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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