i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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