dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
