Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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