We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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