My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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