Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
