I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
