I'm passing your future prison.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize