We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
