Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im holly from the hills drunk
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
